Hello, Evan, I have written to you before saying I have a horrible time keeping guys. All the guys I’ve met and fallen for have left me. Either they lose interest or I think that I’m not good enough for them. Either way, they always leave me in the dust. When I wrote to you before, you told me that I have to stop being the guy, but it is so hard for me just to wait around and be approached. First of all, not many guys approach me so I always have the urge to do the approaching or I feel that I will never be approached. I’m very impatient. I have this fear of being alone forever and sometimes I wonder if I’m doomed to be single forever…and I hate the idea of being alone. I’ve lost all faith that I will find somebody.

I focus way too much on finding a boyfriend… to the point that it’s kind of become an obsession. It’s really hard for me to go day after day without a boyfriend. I don’t have many hobbies to focus on which is probably part of my problem.

What can I do to get my love life back? I used to have a happier more fulfilling life when I didn’t think so much about guys. And I’m sure being this desperate and needy probably scares them away. I have a lot of fears, loneliness, and the need for someone to be affectionate and hold me. What can I do to help me?

I honestly don’t feel much of a connection with most guys… since I’ve been hurt so many times, but I still want to find the man of my dreams.

Thanks,
Ashley

Dear Ashley,

Did you ever notice how two people can look at the exact same situation through completely different eyes? Liberals and conservatives? Israelis and Palestinians? Men and women? 🙂

The wisest among us are the ones who can acknowledge and understand another’s point of view. It doesn’t mean you’re going to change your mind entirely, but it means you have to be open to the possibility of a different truth.

A confident woman knows she holds all the cards in the relationship. If she doesn’t like the way he texts, calls, communicates, kisses, or commits, she can dump him at any time.

Here’s your truth:

You think you’re not good enough for men. You feel you’ll never be approached. You have a fear of being alone forever. You’ve lost all faith you’ll find somebody. You’re obsessed with finding love. You believe that men will always leave you.

That’s your belief. That’s your opinion. That’s your story.

The problem is that it’s not 100% true. And until you let go of this negative, self-fulfilling prophecy, you’re going to keep perpetuating that same cycle of desperation, need, and abandonment.

In other words, you need a complete mindset reboot.

Instead of seeing yourself as this low self-esteem, sad, put-upon girl who throws herself at unavailable men only to discover that, in fact, they’re unavailable, how about you flip the script?

Take a look at women who do well with men. What do they have that you don’t? It’s not looks. It’s not money. It’s not even kindness.

It’s confidence.

Start valuing yourself now and watch men follow suit.

That’s it.

A confident woman will carry herself with a smile and her head held high.
A confident woman will radiate joy and serenity.
A confident woman is 100% comfortable in her own skin.
A confident woman knows that men approach women when they’re attracted.
A confident woman knows she doesn’t have to text him, call him, or spy on him to “keep” him.
A confident woman knows she holds all the cards in the relationship. If she doesn’t like the way he texts, calls, communicates, kisses, or commits, she can dump him at any time.
A confident woman knows there’s always another guy out there, and therefore, never worries about getting rid of disappointing men.

This is what I call CEO energy.

You have what I call intern energy – you’re desperate for a job, you’ll take anything, you’ll work for free – and, as a result, no one values you.

That’s because YOU don’t value you.

Start valuing yourself now and watch men follow suit.