What's The Right Amount of Time to Be Available in The First Month

I read your blog all the time and I know you previously addressed how some single women have lives that are too busy and need to make room for a guy but also that we should maintain full lives of our own. I’m struggling with that balance. Here is the pattern. I meet a guy and he is good, follows up but immediately wants to see me every weekend, every Saturday night and gets seemingly perturbed that I am not free. I am okay with one day on the weekend if I am in town and during the week but we just met! Many also want to see me far too much. I think part of it is the DC area because there are lots of transient people new to the area with no roots and lots of free time. What is the right amount of time, say, in the first month?

Thanks,
Lisa

Imagine a man wrote a very similar letter.

Don’t forget, the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.

Dear Evan,

I’m dating this new woman. She seems cool. Really interested in me. We’ve only been together for a month, but she is already suggesting that she’s not satisfied with how much we get together. I am okay with seeing her for one day over the weekend if I’m in town, but really, why are women so clingy? Am I wrong here?

Larry

My reply:

Yes, Larry, you’re wrong here. There is a normal escalation process for most folks when it comes to dating. If you like a woman, you prioritize her. Maybe not after the first date, but if you’re seeing a few women and you have a connection with one of them, it’s in your best interests to make her feel special. That would mean taking the time to call her after your work day, making plans at least a few days in advance, and leaving her at least one weekday date and weekend night (with a sleepover and breakfast the next day). This is how people date. They like each other. They get closer. They make more of an effort for each other.

You’re not obliged to do this for someone you don’t like, but believe me, if a woman has any common sense, if you’re not making more of an effort after a month, she’s going to leave you for another guy who does. And rightfully so. You may not be a bad guy for being this busy, but you will likely end up losing out on quality women who want a man who values them more.

Don’t forget, the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. Only people with low self-esteem are going to stick around for a man who thinks so little of them as to find one night a week acceptable.

If a guy is into you and is making an effort for you, it’s in your best interests to show some reciprocal interest.

I know your question specifically was how much time you should allot to seeing a man in the first month, Lisa. There’s not one “right” answer. All I can say is that if a guy is into you and is making an effort for you, it’s in your best interests to show some reciprocal interest. If you don’t – if you think that keeping things slow and casual because you’re so busy is a great idea – that’s okay, but that will leave you with only one type of man: the kind who likes casual once-a-week relationships.

If I were you, and I wanted a boyfriend, I’d make myself a little more available to interested men, lest they start to lose interest after a few weeks of trying to chase you down.