If you’re a couple looking for a third, how do you go about it? It’s not like it’s always an easy topic to bring up in conversation with random strangers. Yet, people have threesomes all the time, so how do they find their third?
Start with Boundaries
Before you even go in search for your third or “unicorn” as most people refer to the person having sex with a couple, you need to decide what you want out of the experience. It’s hard to engage someone else in an experience you have no clue what you want from.
Why are the two of you doing this? If it’s to save your relationship, think again. If it’s to re-ignite your sex life or because it’s a fantasy of yours, then great.
Also, be mindful of jealousy. Are you both OK with this? And what are things that are OK while having the threesome? Is full-blown intercourse with the third person alright, or is there some sort of limit for what can be done and what can’t be done?
Lastly, talk about how you imagine things unfolding and what the experience will bring the two of you and the third person.
What Exactly Are You Looking For?
Many people look for a bi-woman for their unicorn, but there are many women who aren’t bi who are up for some sexy fun. There are also couples who do swinging and engage in threesomes (and foursomes). What are you two looking for more specifically? Does it matter?
How About STDs?
As little as you’d like to think about them, STDs come into the picture when having sex with a partner. And a condom won’t protect you from HPV or herpes, so you need to decide what your policy is on that.
Decide Where You’re Comfortable Looking Online
Many people put up a profile on Tinder, Bumble, or other popular online dating app, as a couple looking for third. Of course, your single friends can then see you on there, so you have to be OK with that.
Others turn to places like Find Your Threesome, Adult Friend Finder and Ashley Madison that have a lot of the polyamorous community on them. Many people in open relationships are more open minded when it comes to sexual encounters. As these platforms are more targeted toward people looking for sexual encounters, you’re also less likely to come across one of your friends chasing a relationship.
Write an Enticing Bio
Put some photos on your profile that you think represent who you are as a couple. Then write a witty, or simply engaging bio about what you’re looking for. Beware, as mentioned, that it isn’t a sexual object you’re looking for but another human being who could live out their sexual fantasies with you.
Attend Events (If They Float Your Boat)
Some people looking for a threesome will attend parties in the polyamorous community, or swinging events. Is that something you’d be comfortable with? Or would you prefer meeting someone online through a dating app?
Meet Up Before You Have Sex
Inviting someone to your home for a night of debauchery, only to fid out that they are someone you find about as sexy as a pair of old socks…well, it might end up a bit embarrassing. Rather, meet them somewhere for a cocktail and take it from there. If the vibe is right, you can go to your place, their place, or a hotel.
Of course, you could meet someone for a coffee and a chat before you invite them over for the threesome. Have a laugh. It’s up to you, but that doesn’t necessarily set the vibe for a sexy night to come and might feel more like an interview.