Ten Things to Look for in a Guy When Dating

What are 10 things to look for in a guy? That’s what we’ll explore in this article! If you keep picking the wrong guys then you probably don’t actually know what to look for in a guy when dating. It’s only too easy to focus on the wrong things, or get so caught up in the attraction that you see nothing at all. Nothing negative, that is. His glorious qualities will appear shiny and bright, because you want to fall in love. You want to keep having that wonderful feeling in your belly. It’s like a drug. And for that very reason, it’s incredibly important to keep your head screwed on at all times.

So without further ado, here are 10 things to look for in a guy when dating.

He Asks Questions

He is intent on finding out about you. Sometimes it’s just observing you in everyday life, sometimes he asks questions. When he asks questions, he listens. He makes sure he understood what you said, and sometimes asks follow-on questions. He pays attention when you speak, not just sitting waiting for what he’s going to say next. And when you express an opinion, he takes it in, contemplating your words, as opposed to brushing them off.

He Remembers Things

Everyone has their own memory hiccups—maybe he is bad with names, or places, or faces, or dates (such as anniversaries and birthdays)—but you still notice that he remembers details you share about yourself and your preferences. He takes pains to ensure that you get sweet potato fries instead of regular fries if you’ve mentioned you prefer those. Or maybe he brings you your favorite takeout meal when he comes over to your place. It seems he stores away nuggets of information because he cares about you and what you enjoy (and don’t enjoy) in life.

He’s Willing to Compromise

If you prefer the fish restaurant and he prefers the steakhouse, he’s willing to take turns on where to go. And while he might not like your mother, he still cares about you and therefore shows up to enough family events to show he cares.

In the beginning, his willingness to compromise might not be seen in your relationship (you’re just getting to know each other) but in his relationship with those around him. You see that he makes space for others in his life.

He Doesn’t Give Up His Own Life

While the willingness to compromise is there, he doesn’t give up on his own goals and dreams to be with you. He pursues what’s important to him and makes it clear that he stands firm and has integrity. This is one of things to look for in a guy before dating him. [Read: Should You Stay in a Relationship without Trust]

Again, this can maybe best be seen in his relationship with others at first—if his friends want to go drinking on a Friday and he has a mountain biking race on the Saturday, he stays at home. And while he helps his sister with her children, he ensures that he has enough free time that he can pursue his own interests when not working.

He Respects Your Boundaries

If you say that you don’t want to do something, he respects it—granted it’s important to you and has a valid foundation.

He Doesn’t Put Up with Your Shit

If you always leave his kitchen looking like a tornado hit, or you refuse going for a better job because you’re scared, he calls you on it. He doesn’t let you walk all over him, nor does he accept the lies you tell yourself as being the truth.

He Cares About Your Emotions (When Justified)

If you’re scared of the ocean, he doesn’t throw you into the waves. He might challenge you to get the help you need to overcome your fear, but he doesn’t laugh, or tease you.

If your emotions are unreasonable, he might tell you so. But he does it in a dignified manner which shows he cares. He never puts you down.

If something troubles you, he listens. He’s there for you.

He Talks About the Hard Stuff

When shit hits the fan, he tells you. He doesn’t try to hide that he’s having issues at work, or that he doesn’t like the way you look at your boss. However, he shares in a responsible manner. He isn’t throwing his emotions on you, asking you to deal with them. He takes responsibility for his own thoughts and feelings (and the fact that he might have misinterpreted things). [Read: 6 Tips to Stay Safe Dating and Still Have Fun]

He’s Clear on What He Wants

He knows where he’s going in life and he knows what he wants out of a relationship. He knows himself, in other words. And when he doesn’t know, he’s honest about it. He might not be entirely clear on what he wants out of a relationship yet, but then he says so, so that you can explore together. He doesn’t weave false promises.

He Lifts You Up

He celebrates your wins with you and gets excited when you pursue what you love. Sometimes those may be things you do with him, many times it will be things you do on your own. Such as your career, or spending time with friends.

When you make mistakes, he encourages you. He doesn’t put you down, but rather lifts you up. He might tell you if it makes sense to quit on something, but if so, he does it in a way that makes you still believe in yourself and your ability to do other things that are more suitable (for example, it’s not a healthy goal to want to climb Mount Everest if it triggers an old injury that make you suffer, while you could climb other mountains without that problem and have just as much fun). [Read: Best Tinder Bios for Guys Copy and Paste]

If he, on the other hand, starts telling you constantly that you are making mistakes, or that what you’re doing just isn’t good enough, alarm bells should be going off.

Narcissists want things to be their way. And if they aren’t, they take it as a personal insult. If you don’t show up as they think you should, they feel that you are insulting them. As a result, they get angry and put you down. They live in a world inside their mind and they will seek to control you to make sure you align with this world.

If you start seeing signs of this, it’s time to have a conversation and, likely, leave the relationship unless he seeks immediate help.

He Let’s You Pursue Your Own Life

He wants you to achieve your own goals, see your friends when he’s not with you, and pursue what makes you happy. He doesn’t try to control you, rather he cheers you on to keep your independence—while also letting him be part of your life and act as a support. If you push him away just because your frail ego won’t accept help, he calls you on it. However, he doesn’t try to make you dependent on his support.

If he wants to know where you are every second of every day, or gets antsy because you tell him you visited Josephine instead of Diana, you have to keep an eye out. Likewise, if he starts saying he prefers you don’t visit some of your friends, or work out at a certain gym, or whatever it may be—check his intentions. If your friends are using drugs and the gym is run by the mafia, his requests make sense. However, if the requests are because he’s scared you’re going to meet other men, it makes no sense.