Flirting keeps things fresh in a long term relationship and set the pace when you’re just getting to know someone. Unless you flirt, you’ll be friend zoned. But if you flirt too much, you might just come across as needy, or sleazy. So what are the best ways to flirt with a girl over text? Well, it depends if you’re just getting to know someone, or are already dating them. So, let’s look at how to start flirting with someone you just met, as well as flirting over text in general. That way, flirting with a girl over text will become easy, no matter the situation.
How to flirt with a girl 101
Start with the Obvious
A good way to start a conversations to tell a girl you enjoyed meeting her, if you met her for the first time. If you already know her, tell her it was nice seeing her the other day.
Likewise, you can say that you had fun, or that you enjoyed the conversation/chat you were having.
Compliment Her Looks and Personality
Complimenting a girl’s looks is a brilliant way of letting her know you are interested in more than just friendship. If you’ve already told her that it was nice seeing her/meeting her the other day (or chatting with her if you have only met online so far), and you’ve texted back and forth a couple of times, you can drop a compliment relating to her looks. Tell her that her outfit was really nice, or that you like her smile, or her eyes.
However, it’s just important to remember to compliment her personality. Think about what makes her special—is it the way she’s so kind to everyone? How smart she is? Her cool style? The way she makes you laugh? Obviously, if you just told her it was nice meeting her, you might want to leave off with another compliment for another day. Or you can compliment her by saying it was nice meeting her, another way of flirting, because she was so entertaining to talk to—it’s clear she’s really smart. Or it was nice meeting her and you confess to being impressed by her kindness/smarts/the way she handled a situation. Whatever it may be that struck you as impressive.
So, to sum up: compliment her looks while chatting to let her know you’re interested in flirting. See how it goes. Also compliment her personality at some point during the chat to let her know you genuinely pay attention to and like her—not just her looks.
Beware that good looking women are often complimented on their looks. For them hearing how beautiful or hot they are gets old fast. While they want to feel attractive and desired, they also want to know that the person falling for them are doing so because of more than their looks.
Use Terms of Endearment
“Hey cutie/babe/hot stuff/sweets/sexy” and so forth all allude to something a little more than a friend. Of course, all these things can be used to describe a friend as well, but then it’s usually already been established that you’re just friends and they won’t take offense if you use these kinds of nicknames.
By starting a conversation by calling someone sexy, or cute, you set the tone for flirting. However, if you just met someone at a bar, or you’re trying to get to know someone better and don’t know if they’re interested, don’t lead with it. [Read: Is It Safe to Use Dating Apps?]
Avoid Pickup Lines
“Your father must have been a thief because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes,” sounds, frankly, appalling. Women know you’ve memorized the line and have told it a million times before (or that you only memorized it because you feel you can’t come up with something better yourself).
Ask Her Out for Coffee
“Wanna grab a coffee sometime?” is a safer place to start than asking someone to go on a date with you. If you know she’s interested, then ask her out for a date—and ask her about what things she enjoys doing so you can think of a nice date. If you don’t know, stick to coffee. “It would be nice to grab a coffee some time,” is a great line if you’ve just told her that it was nice seeing her the other day and the two of you start chatting. [Read: 10 Ways You Can Impress Your Girl And Make Her Feel Special]
Ask Interesting Questions
Showing interest in someone is just that—showing you are interested in getting to know them. Asking lame questions, like “How was your day?” or “How are you?” won’t start a scintillating conversation.
Ask them what made them smile that day? What was one win and one fail that day? If it’s in the morning, ask them what super power they feel they need today? Or if they could escape for the day, where would they go? Given the option to travel anywhere in a few seconds…
When you chat, ask about their favorite memories, their dreams, things that happened to them that are hilarious looking back, what their most bizarre memory is, what they hope to achieve in the next year/ten years, where they want to live and so forth. If they have a hobby, ask what it is they love about it? If they could give anything to the world, what would it be? Who are their favorite humans and why?
Have Fun with It
If asking her out for a date, you can say: “Would you like to go out with me some time? I promise I’ll do better than McDonald’s. Can’t promise to do better than Burger King though, but as BK doesn’t have wine I think we have to opt out on that one ;)” [Read: 8 Best Places to Meet for Affairs for the First Time ]
Play around when texting. Don’t be serious about everything during flirting with a girl over text. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear you had a bad day. If I was with you I’d totally pour you a glass of wine and cook you something Italian. Or well, I’d call the nearest Italian place that could promise real comfort food in the form of melted mozzarella and lots of creamy pasta. If I cooked it, your day would only get more miserable granted I’d likely burn everything…”
“My boss would kill me if he caught me on the phone right now. I haven’t yet decided if you’re worth getting killed for. I’m going to have to do some serious thinking about that as I can see you’ll be a distraction at work…”
Part of the fun of dating is teasing.
“You sure you know how to kiss? I think we should try it out some time. Just to check that you truly know how to kiss and aren’t imagining things.”
“Are you sure you can handle me?”
If they want something from you, pretend to negotiate. They want to take you out for coffee, you agree, but only if you get something with whipped cream, or they include a kiss… [Read: What is a Mutually Beneficial Relationship? ]
“I might give up my couch and Netflix for you for tonight, but only if you promise me a kiss during the date. A really nice kiss.”
Of course, you can only do this kind of teasing if you’ve established she’s someone who understands teasing. If she’s someone who takes everything literally, then don’t do it. She’ll honestly think that the couch and Netflix are more appealing that she is…
You can also turn it around. “Do I have a chance of getting your attention tonight or are Netflix and your couch going to win the fight?”
Let Her Know You’re Thinking About Her
When you send flirty texts to her, let her know you’re thinking about her.
“Morning sunshine. I literally woke up thinking about you :)”
“You were on my mind today.”
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you earlier. Did you have a good day?”
“I’m thinking about you…”
“I’m about to head to bed. Just wanted to say good night :)”
“You’ve been on my mind lately. Seems you’re a real distraction ;)”
Hinting—How to Use Innuendo
If you want to steam things up, a good way of flirting with a girl over text is to lead the conversation toward sex without actually speaking about it. In other words—using innuendo. Of course, this is something you should only do once you’ve established there’s something between you. If you start with this, the other person might think you’re only after one thing. But once you know there’s something between you, that sexual spark is necessary to take things further. And once you’re together, it’s also necessary to keep the spark alive. [Read: 10 Ways to Meet Single Women]
Innuendo is great, but let the other person set the pace. For example, you can tell someone you’re about to head to bed and wish you could have a “good night cuddle.” You’re talking about cuddling at bed time, which means that truly you’re talking about more than a cuddle. If the girl is interested, she can take the conversation further. If she’s not yet comfortable, on the other hand, she can say goodnight without things getting awkward.
In short, you’re opening the conversation up to talking about sex, but you’re not pushing the matter. This means that the girl can set the pace—you’re inviting sexy conversation but it’s up to her to take it further. If she wants to wait with steaming things up, you haven’t gone overboard and scared her off. [Read: How to Make a Man Want You]
A similar scenario would be you saying you’re going to have a shower and then hit the sack. This implies that you’re about to get naked—you’re going to have a shower and then go to bed. If she fancies, she can say that she wishes she was there to be with you in the shower, or in the bed. However, you haven’t said anything that would make her feel she needs to take the bait. And that’s what innuendo is, in a way—a bait.
“Good night. I hope you’ll dream some nice dreams…” is another example of innuendo.
When You Know It’s On
If you know for certain that you guys are dating and that the girl is comfortable talking about sleeping with you, you can flirt by turning up the heat a notch. Now you can outright say that you’re about to have a shower or get into bed and wish the other person were there. Then you can start talking about what you’d do to them and they’d do to you if that was the case. Also, ask what they’d want to do/have done to them. It’s a great way of getting to know what someone likes in bed. [Read: Is Flirting Cheating? - How to Know What’s What]
Basically, this is going into the territory of sexting and there are lots more tips for that. An easy place to start is telling someone you’re turned on, to telling them you’re thinking about them. Naked. More intricate versions involve full-blown sex fantasies and erotic stories being shared, or discussing what you’ll do to each other in detail. You can even do this kind of thing when you’re both at the same event, texting each other while there.
This isn’t an article about sexting, but sexting is part of flirting with a girl over text once you’ve started having sex with someone or have established that they like sexting. Some people are comfortable sexting before having sex, others want to wait until they’ve had sex with someone.
As you can see, when you flirt with a girl over text, you have to take into account where you’re at in your relationship with them—if you’ve just met, if you’re trying to figure out if she likes you as more than a friend, or if you are already dating. You also have to gauge her reactions to what you say when texting.